If you spent even a minute involved in the church during your teens, you will agree with me that there is a cornucopia of dating/un-dating/courtship/whatchamacallit advice out there. You will remember titles like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and its sister-book “Boy meets Girl” by one Joshua Harris, as well as “When God Writes Your Love Story” by the Eric and Leslie Ludy. (OK, so after a while I stopped buying such titles, so the list is short). Admittedly, reading these books kept me out of a lot of trouble in high school and varsity (university, if you live across the Atlantic).

Fast-forward to my thirties.

My own not-yet married status has allowed me too much time to weigh the pros and cons of the whole marriage business. I remain ambivalent. But, ambivalence is not good enough. I am increasingly persuaded that cultivating a Biblical worldview in all areas of life is important, though I may not relate to some situations. In other words, as the Greek would have it, orthodoxia.

And since I now have more time on my hands, I have stumbled across John Piper’s desiringGod.com website. Which has led me to Marshall Segal’s “Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating”.

According to his own blurb, Segal has an aim with his book: to help us “Learn to live and date for more than marriage”. A noble aim, really. How does the book do in that regard? Quite well, actually.

The book is divided broadly into 2 parts. Part 1 is titled “The Not-Yet-Married Life”. This is basically Gospel 101. It’s about being reacquainted with Christ who died for us, and our chief purpose in life: living life to make Him known. It’s a great reminder of the fullness of life that awaits us all, single or married.

Part 2 is titled: “When the Not Yet Married Meet”. Unlike the kissing goodbye of dating, Segal asks the question, “How can one date in a way that glorifies God.” The assumption is that one will date. In this section, issues of when to date, physical boundaries and accountability are tackled.

What makes this book different from other dating how-to’s is the first section. Segal really goes in to show the beauty of the not-yet-married life. By the end of the first half of the book, I was thinking, “Man! Singleness is really awesome! Imagine all the things I can do for the Lord!” and “Get married for the why?” But I reckon the man would’ve stopped his book right there and then, had that conclusion been his sole intention. So, I did continue to read on. There’s good advice in the second section, some clear and concise points. I am certain another reader (who’s dating or engaged) would glean much more from the second half of the book than I did. Yet another reader (who is perhaps married), may have more to add to the points made.

Overall, it is a slow read, but that may be a good thing. The point, I suppose, is to take one’s time, and truly ruminate on the book chapters. Especially part 1 (I am biased).

Have you delved into this book yourself? What were your thoughts? Let a sister know. And have an awesome day.

P.S. Get “Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating” by Marshall Segal on Amazon.com. The Kindle version is listed at US$11.39. Sooo, you know, exchange rates. 

Copyright reserved Gugulethu Mhlanga 2018