The end of the year is almost upon us. First things first…This blog is a year old! Yippeee (insert Desmond Tutu voice)!!!!

2018 certainly has been eventful: some events good, some heavy, and others I’d rather forget.  My guess is that many of you reading this can say the same of your year.

One of the more interesting opportunities I had this year, was to be part of a panel (a 2-woman panel, but a panel nonetheless). The topic of the evening was “Female, Single, Smart & Successful”.  Although I might ordinarily shy away from talking about being single (it kinda loses its novelty in one’s thirties), I was intrigued. And I like spewing my opinions for anyone who might listen. So, I went. On a rainy Friday night. To Krugersdorp.

The audience consisted of a few seminary students from the Nazarene Theological College out there. (Oh yeah. I grew up in the Church of the Nazarene. But I’ve been Baptist, went to a Catholic school for 6 months, my mom and ‘em grew up Lutheran, and now I’m non-denominational).

Back to the evening in question. It was a few months ago, so my memory is a little rusty. One particular question, though, stands out in my mind, and is the reason for this post.

During the Q&A afterwards, one of the questions posed was: “How do you deal with the loneliness, and longing for love, as a single person?”

Aaaah. The yearning to love and be loved is in us from the moment we’re born, until the day we take our last breath. I believe it is by God’s design. It can be an unwelcome reminder of one’s aloneness.

There are many forms of love. Many expressions of it, too. In the Greek language, there are at least four words which can all be translated into the single English word: ‘love’: storge[i], philia[ii], eros[iii], agape[iv]. (And another one I can’t ever recall. If you’re a theology student, help a sister out.) In this modern Hollywood romcom-seasoned culture, however, Eros is elevated as the Supreme. If thou hast not Eros, thou hast no reason for life. A depressing conclusion, ain’t it?

When that question was posed to me, I had to pause. How does one answer that question in a truthful, yet hopeful, fashion?  I can’t pretend to be chirpy all the time, and yet sinking into depths of despair is a tiring exercise.

My reply was to reiterate the above, aware the entire time I was talking, that I was basically preaching to myself. In my more pensive moments, I have to remind myself to stop ignoring the other three loves, just because of that missing one. When I start paying attention to the other forms of love, the missing one tends to lose its all-consuming importance.

Side note: I would be lying if I said that hoping for number 4 has disappeared. If you find Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome Mzalwane, tell him to call a sister. And where has he been??

And so, as I end of this final blog post for 2018, I want to take a moment to thank the Lord for the love with which He has seen fit to fill my life.

Love Is…

God, whose love it will take me beyond a lifetime to fully understand.  He still takes time to answer my most mundane requests…like to have someone to sit with at church.

Love Is…

Moms sneaking a triple-ply blanket into my house one June evening. Initially I scoffed; then swiftly understood the wisdom behind the gift. It was cold come July, y’all.

Love Is…

The pater familias hanging around my house, on a Saturday evening, when the plumber had to come around for an emergency. Because, some brothers be trying their luck sometimes.

Love Is…

Big Sis helping me qhaqha my hair on a Friday night. It takes a village to create that hairstyle, but how many of y’all know that help can often not be found when it has to be taken apart again. But God! Gave me a sister! Who helps me reach those hard-to-reach blind spots on my head! That is a word right there!

Love Is…

The parentals lending an ear whenever we want to blow off steam about the day’s events, etcetera.

Love Is…

Moms casually dropping a hint that there is food on the stove at her house #justsaying.

Love Is…

Friends taking on my burdens on particularly difficult days, by doing simple things like bringing food around when exams were imminent (you know who you are). Friends phoning. Friends texting to find out how I’m doing, nje. Friends displaying an overflow of philia.

Love Is…

Finding creative ways to show appreciation to those whose presence we take most for granted: family and friends.

It must go both ways. In the words of the noted troubadour John Mayer, “Love is a verb”.

So to all of you, I wish a very merry Christmas. I hope you also find the many ways that love has festooned your life this year. It may not have been a particularly good year, but I hope there is a glimmer of something. And that 2019 brings even more such glimmers.

Thank you for joining me in my random musings this past year; there shall, God willing, be more in the new year.

P.S. I recommend the classic The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis, if you wish to read more on, well, the four loves. You’re welcome.

[i] Storge is a bond of empathy, one found in families

[ii] Philia is a friend bond; think Philadelphia (the City of Brotherly Love)

[iii] Eros is… exactly what it sounds like…and that’s all I have to say about that

[iv] Agape is God’s unconditional love.

Copyright Gugulethu Mhlanga 2018.